Courtney Love: Kurt Cobain “wasn’t cool” for committing suicide

This little story comes via the UK paper The Telegraph, and it’s about an event I had no idea ever took place. Apparently, someone hilarious at the Oxford Union debating chamber decided to invite Courtney Love to speak. And she showed up. And she talked about everything from her daughter Frances (“The Bean”) to Kurt Cobain’s suicide (“It just wasn’t cool”) to her love of Greek myths (”I’m having my Demeter and Persephone moment with my daughter”). I have to admit something: even though Courtney says a few dumb and/or ridiculous things, she actually sounds relatively sober, thoughtful and moderately intelligent here. I’m shocked.

Courtney Love has said her daughter is the most important thing in her life – the day after an order restricting her access to the teenager was extended.

The Hole frontwoman, speaking at the Oxford Union debating chamber, said 17-year-old Frances Bean kept her going after the suicide of husband Kurt Cobain. Addressing 300 students at the world-famous forum, the singer said: ”What gave me strength was my daughter’s life force. My daughter’s the most important thing to me, in my life.”

The 17-year-old, her only child, is in the care of Cobain’s mother and sister after temporary custody was granted to them in December. Wearing a sparkly black top, black trousers, long black boots and glasses, Love surprised the students by telling them of her passion for quantum physics and Greek myths.

She admitted to them, referring to the saga of a mother and her child: ”I’m having my Demeter and Persephone moment with my daughter.”

Describing herself as a feminist, she said she did not like to be referred to simply as the widow of Nirvana frontman Cobain. But in one of the most moving parts of the hour-long question and answer session, she spoke of the devastating impact his death had on her.

Referring to her band’s 22-year-old guitarist, Love said: ”He goes: ‘God, Kurt was cool’. No, he wasn’t. Not in the sense of that action. That action had a horrible effect on our family. It’s not cool. It just wasn’t cool. And that action was regretted the second it happened. I was expected by the zeitgeist to go with him or something. But I worked. I had to work to get money to feed my kid.”

She said no-one offered her counselling or psychological support in the wake of the death, adding that, as a Buddhist, chanting helped her. After being asked what her legacy would be, Love replied: ”I never expected I would be connected to the Alpha male as some kind of ancillary object and to this day it mystifies me. I’m a feminist and it’s deeply ingrained so I just don’t get it, and it shocks me.”

Love, whose band plays a sold-out gig at the Shepherds Bush Empire, London, next week, admitted she was ”not a very good celebrity”.

She said: ”I’m a very good rock musician. But when it comes to celebrity I don’t have it quite right. I couldn’t have a perfume. What would it be called?”

She said the benefits of celebrity were ”free shoes and bags” however. Despite her ”high jinks and shenanigans” in the past, she said her drug addiction was firmly behind her.

”When you’re under 30, okay,” she said. ”But after 40 it’s just ugly.”

Love described herself as ”Amglish”, describing the time she spent at Summerhill boarding school in Suffolk and later living in Liverpool. She also said she had moved to Ireland as a U2 fan and that Bono was her mentor as a teenager.

She said: ”This is where I want to live, either Oxfordshire or Buckinghamshire. The first time I came to Oxford I was with Echo and the Bunnymen and I walked around, and the bricks were so black and it was so magical.”

She said she encouraged Frances Bean to apply to the university, but her daughter had not wanted to. Displaying her own cultural knowledge, she said Robert Graves was her favourite author and that she would take classical music by Mozart to a desert island.

Love also said she admired the poet Rilke and that his work, along with watching quantum physics videos on YouTube, had affected her music.

”Quantum physics has done my band a world of good,” she added.

[From The Telegraph]

I get what Courtney is saying about Kurt’s suicide, and I’m getting an after-school-special vibe from it. But I get it, and I can’t even imagine how difficult it would be for a Courtney and The Bean to get through it. That being said, Courtney negates the after-school special anti-suicide vibe by lying about what came after: “I was expected by the zeitgeist to go with him or something. But I worked. I had to work to get money to feed my kid.” Um… no. Courtney maintained control over a significant part of Kurt’s estate for years, so no, she didn’t have to “work to get money to feed my kid.” Oh, and the whole thing about the Buddhist chanting helping her through Kurt’s suicide also made me roll my eyes, but whatever.

Here’s the thing – I don’t hate Courtney. I think she’s was probably a horrible mother to The Bean, and I think Courtney is still battling her drug/alcohol/mental illness demons big-time. But I can’t hate her. Nor do I think she’s some misunderstood feminist, or some Rilke-quoting genius. She’s smarter than most of the women in her industry, but that doesn’t give her a pass for acting crazy.